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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27420982">For George</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Character Death, Depression, Funeral, Grief/Mourning, Grieving, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Panic Attacks, Platonic Relationships, Suicide Attempt, please don't read if triggered by suicide</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:01:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,597</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27420982</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>George: “i love you”<br/>Sent at 5:56AM<br/>-<br/>This is potentially very triggering, please DO NOT read if you are affected by suicide/ major character death.<br/>Helplines are linked in end notes. Stay safe &lt;3</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clay | Dream &amp; GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream &amp; Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>263</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>For George</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>George: “i love you”<br/>
Sent at 5:56AM</p><p>Dream rubbed the sleep away from his eyes, bewildered at the sudden message. Why had George sent him that at six in the morning, it being the first time he had ever had the courage to say the words? Clicking on the notification, he saw it had been sent via SMS. Weird. With a confused grunt, he pressed on the call button, sure the other man was awake with the time zone difference. It rang through, no answer. </p><p>Whatever, he thought, they were scheduled to record later anyway. He would confront him about the strange behaviour then. Not without mercilessly making fun of him for it though, he thought, a shit eating grin spreading across his face.</p><p>Later, he was on call with Sapnap, when something else caught Dream off guard.<br/>
“You’ll never guess what happened last night.” Sapnap started, the large grin on his face evident in his tone. Dream hummed in response, prompting him to continue.<br/>
“George said “I love you”! He told me he loves me out of nowhere, looks like I’m stealing your man.” He laughed, with a wheeze at the last statement. Dream began to laugh along, before he remembered the same had happened to him. Weird. </p><p>“He told me that too.” stated Dream, amusement present in his voice, but an unprecedented feeling of worry emerging. Why was he worried?<br/>
“Bullshit dude. Prove it!” Sapnap egged on, hints of sarcasm dripping from his voice. This was an ongoing bit they had committed to a long time ago, and George had been adamant to keep it going. He had no reason to end it now, right?</p><p>After laughing way too hard at the strange behaviour, Dream and Sapnap had calmed down, both vowing to make George’s time later on hell. They had tried to add him to the call there and then, but again, no response. They didn’t think too much of it, George was known for his erratic sleep schedule, you could never predict when the man would be awake or deep in slumber. An issue arose when he still hadn’t responded by the time they were due to record.</p><p>“Where the hell is he?” asked Sapnap. The two were confused, George never missed recordings. He would always drag himself out of bed to get a video done, even if it meant he got back in straight after. He always made it on time.<br/>
“I don’t know, I haven’t heard from him all day.” Dream replied, the worry from earlier once again creeping up on him. It annoyed him, really, because George was a fully grown man, he didn’t need Dream on his ass, worrying because of one off day, but he couldn’t help it. His gut was telling him something, but he couldn’t make out exactly what it was. </p><p>An hour went by, before Dream and Sapnap decided to record without him, his absence seemed deafening. Finishing up the video, Sapnap confided in his friend.<br/>
“I don’t know why but I’m worried about George. It’s been years since he’s gone a full day with no messages or anything, I miss him. But don’t tell him I said that.” At this, Dream let out both a long sigh, followed by a quiet chuckle.<br/>
“I get what you mean, I’ve been kind of on edge too. It really confused me when he sent that message knowing I was offline, and hearing that he did the same to you made me feel really… off? It feels stupid though.” Dream rambled, halfway through resting his read on the desk.<br/>
“I’m sure he’ll message us tomorrow, no use worrying. He’s a 24 year old man, Gogy can handle himself.” Sapnap said in response, giggling at his own joke, Dream quietly joining in.<br/>
“Yeah.”</p><p>Dream awoke to his phone vibrating against the wood of his bedside table. Forcing his eyes open, he flipped over to grab it, looking at the caller ID. George’s mum? Weird. For a moment, he stared in bewilderment, it was too early to process all his thoughts. During his confusion, the call ended, and he saw there had been 6 missed calls from the same number. It was 6am. What was so urgent for George’s mum to be calling him at 6am? Before he could think, another call was incoming, and he rushed to accept it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Dream stared at the ceiling. He didn’t know how long he had been there, in that position, staring. He didn’t care. If he could feel anything but overwhelming numbness, he would probably feel bored right now. Probably. He didn’t know how long he had been there. He couldn’t move. Moving required thinning, and he couldn’t think. He couldn’t do anything. He was vaguely aware of tears flowing freely down his cheek, but he made no effort to wipe them away. He couldn’t move.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sapnap was annoyed. First George, now Dream. Why were his friends ignoring him, what had he one wrong? Nothing, they’re just assholes, he decided. He called Dream for the third time that day, surprised when after 7 rings, there was a click as the other man picked up.<br/>
“Nice to know you aren’t dead.” Sapnap scoffed, annoyance obvious. There was no reply.<br/>
“Hello?”<br/>
He heard shallow breathing on the other end of the line, so he knew Dream had heard him.<br/>
“What are you doing?”<br/>
No response.<br/>
“Are you alright?”<br/>
Silence.<br/>
“Dream I’m gonna hang up, I don’t know what you’re trying to do.”</p><p>“George killed himself.” Dream said with seemingly no emotion, voice grainy through the phone, the quietness not. The quietness was all him.<br/>
Sapnap paused, staring at the screen, before feeling anger rise up inside of him.<br/>
“Dream what the fuck, man? You don’t answer me all day, and when you do it’s to make a stupid joke, no, not even a joke. That’s not funny dude. What are you playing at?” He snapped, pissed beyond belief. He never got this angry. </p><p>There were a few moments of silence, before he heard a choked sob. What the fuck?<br/>
“I’m not… It’s not…”, Dream was sobbing so hard at this point, he couldn’t form a coherent sentence. Sapnap felt a pit of dread in his stomach.<br/>
“What?” Sapnap replied, voice small and wavering, childlike.</p><p>There was more sobbing, it was the worst sound he had ever heard. He had heard Dream cry before, had listened and comforted him, but it had never been like this. This was full of pain, the cries sounded physically painful, and Sapnap couldn’t even try to speak or comfort him. Sapnap couldn’t move. Ten minutes passed, ten minutes filled with heart wrenching sobs form one end and silence from the other.</p><p>“His mom, she.. um... she called me.” Dream managed to get out, stuttering uncharacteristically. Sapnap said nothing.<br/>
“It was yesterday, after he messaged us that,” he paused, taking a shaky breath, “they.. found him.. later on.”He just managed to finish the sentence before crying hysterically, the god awful noises from before returning. Sapnap said nothing. There they remained for another fifteen minutes, Dream bawling, Sapnap staring at his phone. </p><p>He picked the device up and threw it, with all the strength he could muster, at the wall opposite him, before he heard himself start to scream. He slid out of his chair, onto the floor, head falling to the ground, muffling his cries. He didn’t know when his mom entered the room, but she was there, holding him, worriedly asking question after question, trying to gauge what was going on. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t do anything. He didn’t know how he was still screaming, still crying, he couldn’t do anything. All he could feel was pain.</p><p> </p><p>Dream and Sapnap didn’t speak for six days. Sapnap received a text from the other, a date and a screenshot of a plane ticket.<br/>
His plane landed, he was in London Gatwick. He grabbed his bag, and sat on the floor.</p><p>How could he be surrounded by people and feel so alone?</p><p>An hour passed before he looked up, Dream was approaching. He looked like shit. Sapnap had seen his face a handful of times, and not once had he looked remotely the way he looked standing infront of him. The two didn’t exchange any words, a mutual understanding that neither had the energy to do so. Sapnap simply stood up and followed Dream out of the airport to a car, ready to take them to a hotel. The car ride was just under an hour. Sapnap picked his phone out his pocket, staring at the date displayed on the homescreen. It had been 12 days. That’s how he measured time, now. 12 days with the wifi turned off, he couldn’t face anyone online. He knew they’d be worried, he felt bad, but he just hadn’t had the effort to talk to them. The first words were uttered.</p><p>“Have you told anyone?” Sapnap asked, refusing to make eye contact with the man.<br/>
“No.”<br/>
“Oh.”</p><p>Hesitantly, Sapnap turned on his mobile data, immediately being flooded with notifications. He ignored them, and unlocked his phone. What does he do now? How is he supposed to talk to anyone? It had been 12 days. He tried to think how worried he’d be if he was in his friends situations, but he couldn’t. That took too much effort. Instead, he opened his texts, ignoring all the concerned “Are you okay?” messages, scrolling to the long abandoned group chat full of his circle of friends online. They used the chat months ago, but there were too many people; it became chaotic. They had stuck to smaller chats after that.</p><p>Sapnap stared at the screen. That was becoming a habit of his, just staring. </p><p>He stared some more.</p><p>“I don’t know what to say to them.” He told Dream, voice cracking, finally making eye contact. Dream looked at him, and examined his face. He guessed that the two looked similar in terms of state. Sapnap hadn’t looked in a mirror for 12 days, but he could see how bad Dream was. The look on the other’s face allowed him to assume the two weren’t so dissimilar. </p><p>Dream held out his hand, gesturing for Sapnap to hand him the phone, which he did with no reluctance. He watched the other type slowly, having to stop and delete things multiple times. Sapnap couldn’t blame him, how are you supposed to word such a message? Exhaling uncertainly, Dream passed him back the phone, showing him the message was unsent.<br/>
It read “sorry for not replying to anyone, so is Dream. we’re in the UK right now, George passed away last week. we’ll both answer you all later. sorry”.<br/>
It didn’t seem right, to be so abrupt, but Sapnap had nothing else to suggest, so he hit the send button. Within seconds, he saw people typing, and locked his phone before getting a chance to see the responses. He felt a tear on his cheek, could feel himself shaking, and looked over to Dream. He was silently crying, staring out of the window. It was horrible.</p><p> </p><p>The funeral happened the following day. The two hadn’t spoken to each other since the brief exchange in the car, but the streak came to an end when they were met by George’s mom. She had makeup on to cover the bags under her eyes, but the pain was still there. That couldn’t be hidden. She pulled the two into a hug, thanking them for making George so happy. At this, they both began to sob. The embrace lasted minutes, and when she pulled away Dream and Sapnap fell into each other, hugging for the first time, silently crying into each other's arms. They clung on for dear life.</p><p>Neither remembered much of the service, both staring off into space the entire time. They were asked to carry the casket, alongside George’s dad and a few other relatives, which they both duly accepted. </p><p>Dream hated it. Knowing he was carrying George just solidified the situation in his head, something he had been desperately avoiding. He always imagined carrying George, a piggyback race against their friends, George jumping into his arms as they met, Dream spinning him in a circle as they hugged and laughed. Carrying his casket to the burial site had never been on the list. Despite these thoughts, his face remained stoic, he was sure not to cry whilst everyone watched. There were so many people here, all for George. He would’ve hated it. George hated plecaes with too many people. Dream felt bad.</p><p> </p><p>As the casket was powered into the ground, Dream and Sapnap stared off into the distance. At the sound of George’s mom breaking down into a fit of tears, Dream felt Sapnap’s hand brush his, before their fingers tightly intertwined and they leaned into each other. Dream missed Sapnap. It had been 13 days since their last proper conversation. Dream also really missed George.</p><p>Back at the hotel, Dream watched Sapnap walk through the door and crumple to the floor, back against the wall, violently shaking. Dream joined him. Together, they hugged.<br/>
“I miss him Dream,” Sapnap wailed, “I want it to go back to normal.”<br/>
“I know,” Dream whispered, “so do I.”</p><p> </p><p>They finally had a proper conversation that night. Their flights home left tomorrow, and the two mutually came to a decision that Sapnap would cancel his, instead booking a seat next to Dream’s. Neither slept that night, and at 4am Sapnap unlocked his phone, deciding to confront the responses to what he said yesterday. Dream watched over his shoulder as he scrolled, reading through the conversation that had taken place. They were all in bits. Some, namely Tommy and Wilbur, had decided it was a bad joke. Sapnap couldn’t blame them, he would have thought the same. Some had read the message and left no response. Some had expressed shock, some had flooded the chat with questions. Bad had messaged him privately.</p><p>“I love you guys more than you would ever know. It hurts, but I know whatever I’m feeling, you two feel tenfold. Please try to take care of yourselves, if not for the sake of it, then for me and George. It’s what he’d want. Please, when either of you feel up to it, call me and we can talk. You both know I’m always here, no matter what. It’ll get better, slowly but surely. Please stay, and take care &lt;3”</p><p>Sapnap felt a pull at his heart, as he tilted the phone to give Dream a better view. The two shared a look, and Sapnap pressed the call button.</p><p> </p><p>After arriving in Florida, neither Dream or Sapnap had done much. It had been better, though, having each other there, and over the course of a few weeks, the days in which they couldn’t get out of bed slowly began to reduce. They had spent hours talking to their friends, and had held each other as Dream posted a short statement on Twitter. On the days when they were both up, they would spend hours scrolling through old conversations, making no effort to hold back their tears.</p><p>Life was hard. It was so hard. They missed George. Things steadily began to improve, but there was still an overwhelming feeling of emptiness. Neither tried to get rid of it. </p><p>A year passed, and on the anniversary they got matching tattoos. “i love you”.</p><p>It hurt, but they lived. There was an unspoken agreement, a promise: even when it felt impossible, they lived. For George.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>UK<br/>The Samaritans- call 116 123, samartians.org<br/>Shout- text "SHOUT" to 85258, giveusashout.org<br/>ChildLine- 0800 11 11, childline.org.uk</p><p>AUS<br/>Lifeline- 1800 55 1800</p><p>US<br/>National Suicide Prevention Lifeline- 1800-273-TALK, suicidepreventionlifeline.org</p><p>For other countries, here is a list with hotlines for your area: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines</p><p>This is one of the first fics I've written, and the first I've posted, apologies for any errors in writing. Stay safe &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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